I think the major of women can have a vision of what it will be like when they lose their virginity. It will be this methodically planned event. 99% of the time those vision don’t come true. For me, it was nowhere near what I had visioned and unfortunately, it has caused a trigger and stuck moment.
My brother-in-law had a friend that I started hanging out with Kai. I thought he was nice looking and had a nice time hanging out. It was not a planned out event yet when things proceeded between us I agreed to get intimate with Kai.
We continued to hang out and being sexually active. I felt like I wanted to be responsible and get on birth control. So I went to Planned Parenthood to get on the pill. I figured it would be a cut & dry, in & out kind of appointment. But when they did the physical exam I found out that I had a Sexual Transmitted Disease (STD) I was so shocked. I confronted him and he really did not deny it. This was a monumental turning point in my life.
To find out that the person that I chose to lose my virginity to was actually sleeping with other women besides me was the ultimate betrayal. This situation basically set the tone for how I felt about men. I did not trust them and I became very numb in any intimate relationship I got into. I showed no emotion and no connection.
Even to this day, I can’t look back at that time in my life without getting so upset. I am really striving to leave it where it is in the past. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Much Love. Take Care.
