I always thought Domestic Violence was when a woman had numerous hospital visits with bruises and broken bones. Or looking at a definition of Domestic Violence I thought you had to check mark all of the traits for it to be defined as Domestic Violence. I would never have labeled my relationship with Dennis as Domestic Violence. I would say he had an anger problem. The more I was aware that I was walking around on eggshells I started to question what our relationship really was.
The first time I thought I saw Dennis anger we had been together about 1 1/2 years. I don’t remember what the fight was about. I do remember him shoving the old school television off the dresser and it broke. I blamed myself for allowing the fight to escalate. I now realize that was not the first time I saw his anger. His anger issues basically got him discharged from the Army but at the time I convinced myself it was not anger but instead that he just was not happy in the Army.
I continued to reassure myself that Dennis had an anger issue and that our relationship was not Domestic Violence. Over the next 12 years, he broke at least 7 tv’s. 2 VCRs, 3 DVD players, and a cable box. He threw a baby swing through a window. We slept with a broken window above our bed for at least 6 months. For most of our relationship, he would call me a f*#k!ng idiot and a stupid b!&$#. There were 4 times I had physical injuries. Most of the anger was behind closed doors. Our girls were not aware of most of the issues. My wake-up call when Dennis put me in a choke hold in front of our girls. I filed for divorce, pressed charges and started to realize this was more than an anger issue. When I came across the below information that is when I realized that some of these descriptions described our relationship.
Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.
Examples of abuse include:
- name-calling or putdowns
- keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
- withholding money
- stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
- actual or threatened physical harm
- sexual assault
- stalking
- intimidation
Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse is not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.
The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while.
Even after he got out of jail I was still hoping it would work out. At that time it was hard that he moved out. But now I am glad he did because I truly believe I would have continued to convince myself that it would work.
If you know someone that might even have one of these descriptions help them in whatever way you can. Take Care Much Love
