Ironic Dedication

After my divorce from Dennis, I was going through a box of sentimental stuff I had held onto.  I came across a cardboard CD.  I opened it up to find a CD of Christina Aguilera music.  One song in specific stood out. “Beautiful”

I noticed that Dennis had written a “dedication” to me.  I read it and he basically said that he loved me, that I was special to him and that I was beautiful and every time he hears that song by Christina Aguilera he thinks of me.

That dedication hit me with emotions.  Not butterflies or even tears.  The emotions I was feeling was frustration and disbelief.  At that moment I realized that it was an oxymoron that he wrote those words to me.  Because during our physical relationship he did not speak those words out loud.  He only wrote them on that cardboard sleeve.

This man that claimed that I was beautiful is the same man that called me an F-BOMB IDIOT and a STUPID B!^%# for the majority of our 12-year relationship.  How can I believe this sparse words of sentimental accolades when on a daily basis I heard how horrible of a person I was.

In that moment I just chuckled at the possibility that Dennis truly meant those words. I did end up destroying that CD and sleeve.  Not because I don’t like the song.  I actually LOVE that song and listen to it all the time.  But that specific CD I wanted to get rid of because it was a healthy time in my life.

I also realized that I don’t need to hold onto a CD to believe that I am beautiful.  I just need to look in the mirror and say it to myself.

Take Care.  Much Love