Here is the impact statement that I wrote and read on NYE
Airmen Scum
39 years ago today you stole my innocents. You intruded into my room and violated me. I was a 10 year old innocent girl sleeping in my bed and was abruptly woken up by you touching me in areas of my body that you had no right touching. I was a prisoner for many years to the pain and confusion that your choice caused on my life. I will not allow you to use the excuse that you were drunk. I DON’T CARE. You were an adult and I was a child.
I am no longer a prisoner to that pain. You see being a prisoner means that I was silent and did not use my voice. I did that for many years. But 20 years ago today I began to break those chains little by little. I began to tell people about that pain and what happened to me. I began to rip off the scabs of the festuring wounds that were deeply infested. I began to heal. I began to rise from the ashes of the broken person I was. I began to take my life back. I began to no longer take responsibilltiy for the pain and wounds that you and others caused to me.
I refuse to allow what you did to me to make me hide in shame. I am no longer a victim. I have survived what you did to me. And I am now a thriver. I take a step forward every day. Even if I have taken a step backwards the day before. All that matters is that I begin this journey of a thouseand miles with a single step.
For many years I allowed this trauma and the other traumas to be this dark storm that hung over me for many years. I stood in the rain of pain for many years. But I now know that with every storm there will be a rainbow. In the beginning those rainbows last just brief moments. But now my life is full of many rainbows. I am the proud mom to two amazing daughters and a mimi to two awesome grandsons. I am now the storm. I refuse to allow my past to define my future.
When I found out that I was having two girls I struggled. I did not want what happened to me to happened to them. I vowed to protect and educate them. I will fight tooth and nail for them and for every woman that has ever been violated or betrayed by someone like you.
As crazy as it sounds I am thankful for the scars. Because they are apart of me. They tell my story. They show that I had strength to heal and to grow from where I was to where I am now.
233B Gray Ave has so many memories for me. I refuse to allow this one horrific night to define the 7 years that I lived in this house. This is the house that I spent a lot of time with my family. Eating dinner, playing outside. Watching Disney movies. Doing school projects. Getting ready for soccer and storing girl scout cookies. The park across the street is where I hung out with my friends. I broke my thumb swinging on the merry go round. I got bite by a garden snake on the tree down the street. I mowed that yard many Saturday morning. I cleaned the house during summer break so that I could ride my bike to the pool with my sister and stay there all day until we turned into raisin. I boiled crabs on the stove that I caught down at the pier.
233B Gray Ave was a very important part of my childhood. I am erasing the pain and hurt that I allowed to gloomed above that house for many years. No longer is there a storm above that house. There is sunshine and a rainbow.
You no longer control me. I have the power now.
I AM A THRIVER!!!
